THE MUTE DIARIES Entry 3: Silent But Deadly

It's been about a week since my last post. That's because this week, like The Hulk... I transformed...

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGHGHGHGHGHGHGGGGHGHGHHHHGHGHGHHHHH!!

The FRUSTRATION!! Last Monday I woke up in my holiday home in Croydon (maad love to Suzy...) When my housemate asked me how I was, I told her sombrely "I feel like an Artist today." ;( Sweezy SewperStar is not on vacation. She lives inside me! She's trapped and she's NOT impressed. But it's for her own good. Not speaking can be frustrating, but for me, not singing is even moreso. It's what I do, so I was bored of not doing it. I'm a good whistler but it just dont compare. I realised I had to do something before cabin fever and wall-crawling ensued.

Then it hit me. Yes, I need rest, I may even need to have a bed within a 5 minute walking radius at all times, but just because my voice is away, don't mean the rest of me has to be.... I may be quiet, but I'm still killa. Silent, but DEADLY even!!



My mind is generally a flowery place to be, so being inside it ain't half bad most of the time. But I took action JUST before I was tempted to crawl into its dark crevises. Being careful to still stay away from most things work related, I arranged to go to the movies, meet some friends, eat out... even went to the theatre to watch some 'satyrical' apparthied racism. Was great...

Mid-week I went Beatshed (luv to CTM) and saw Michelle's (both of y'all! - thanks for bigging up my blog!) and VLM who told me "you might not be able to talk but you're looking good!!" - well YOU can come again. Really tho, thanks. I'll let my style speak for itself... it may be all I have left! LOL!! - I mean, LQ - Laughing Quietly.

Next day, I got an early text message from my boy who's a photographer saying he could do some shots he'd been promising me...THAT DAY! It was so last minute and I had arranged to go museum that day (no kids, not TopShop) and tho I thought it might be too much like work, I reconsidered... I dont gotta see it like that, just gotta have some fun! So I got my kit together and made my way to the studio. Had to get in my deadly hot new kicks in frame - been meaning to blog these since my last trip to Germany. Some silly, lovely shots. Here's one of 'em:



Nice work Koax. Can't lie tho, the shoot tired me OUT!! I took it as a sign. But glad to say I ended my week on a high. I proved to myself that though I'm silent, I'm still Sweezy! And that helped to ease my frustrations ;D

My 3 weeks Mute is nearly up (but considering the working title for my album (not telling just yet) The Mute Diaries may continue beyond next week - who knows..) Gonna see Mr Doctor Man next week so wish me luck. Until then, I might venture to Busaba again for the best Calamari in town. Otherwise, I'll be chillin' and keep chatting to my peeps on text and online.

Mark Force asked me if I reckoned there was a Lost and Found for voices! I replied with this - some fun I clocked this week:

All I'm sayin' is, I better sound like Chaka Khan after this ;D



xxx Congratulations to my friend AJ who had her baby girl on Friday xxx

Sewuese & Sway: Saturday Morning Hustlin'!!!

Sway called me in to do some drops for the single I appear on with himself and Lemar, Saturday Night Hustle. That night, I finished off the last of about 60 specials for 60 different DJs and radio stations. Then flew off to Germany at 7am (still wondering how I lost my voice? lol!)



All day, every day? No scheiser.

THE MUTE DIARIES Entry 2: The Whisperer

It's been nearly a weeks since I was stripped of my powers, so I have been trying my best not to speak. So the novelty of writing everything down and typing on MacBeth (my laptop that changed my life) in large, bold and colourful typefaces was starting to ware a lil thin. So I've been naughty and started whispering.



I have to be careful because I was in the shop and forgot to gesture that I'd lost my voice. When I started whispering to the guy in the isle for help, he looked undeservedly flattered! I was only asking where the milk was...

Observing people since becoming 'The Whisperer', it's been quite funny... seems most people's natural reaction is to whisper back! Then other people think you're talking about them and when they realise you're not, they start to whisper too. Then, I'm like... speak up, I cant hear you! And a gotta say thanks so much to my friend - when I wrote my words, they proceed to write down all their responses, just to go through it with me ;D what a babe. This has all helped towards restoring my faith in human compassion... though the waitress thought I was deaf! LOL! I mean LS (Laughing Silently)

And another thing... losing one power has helped me gain another... when you whisper, everyone must be quiet in order to hear you. Ironic how the best way to get heard, is to be quiet! I can get the attention of a whole room now. When I'm talking, you better listen GOOD!! Oh the control, Oh the POWER!

I will say though, I've been getting a bit carried away with it. You can still feel the strain on your voice after a while and after all, that's the most important thing about this, so I have to stop. Or keep any kind of speaking to an absolute minimum. I'll save it for moments of passion. I'll whisper when I'm angry ;D

THE MUTE DIARIES Entry 1: Stripped

Ok, the worst has happened. I've finally done it... worn myself so far into the ground that I'm exhausted and have lost my best asset as a result - my voice. It finally decided its not waiting for me to go on holiday anymore, it went without me. I was ordered to rest my busy self and my voice for 3 weeks. I was shocked and devasted, but after some reassurance and the really great support of my friends, (thank you!) I've accepted that for 3 weeks, I'm mute.



That's right, no singing, no talking and barely laughing. I'm naturally a quiet person anyway (took me years to break out of THAT shell) so the not speaking, I dont mind too much - back to my roots! But I've had to cancel some shows, and cancel my whole life basically. Or so I thought... but this is really a much more profound experience than I ever imagined it could be - and to my surprise, in many positive ways.

I'll keep you up to date in my Mute Diaries. We'll call this Entry 1 because already after a few days, I've had some real epiphanies, and moments of fear and comedy.

One being that I honestly feel as though I'm a super-hero who's been stripped of her powers. Sweezy SewperStar is on vacation! I've had to strip my whole being mentally because I can't just be Sewuese the Singer anymore. For real, it's the maddest perspective. Right now, listening to my recordings is like an out-of-body experience. I hear my voice like it doesn't belong to me. Though I always said it was a gift, seeing it from the point of view that I dont have it right now, has made me see how big and great a gift it really is.

It cant be my focus for now so I gotta focus on other things, which is quite refreshing, after being Sewuese the Singer for so many years. So mad and upset as I was to have to stop for a sec, my eyes have opened so wide to other parts of me and who I am, not just what. Guess you could say I'm thankful.

But I want my voice back tho.

LOL.
I mean, LS (laughing silently;)

Heard & Not Seen - Just the Olympics?

Something that I found interesting, was that the press seemed shocked and outraged that someone with no apparent talent was chosen over someone who had obvious and raw talent, purley because she looked the part... hhhmmm, sound familiar? Oh I know... its practically a model of western world tabloid media! (and much of the music industry). So some wanna piss on China for doing the same thing? Why? Cos she's a child? Ok, yeah - its wrong cos she's a child. But its ok to print a playboy bunny on kid's stationary? Moving on...



This poor little girl got pushed aside because apparently, she wasn't a 'pretty enough' image to project to the world. What KILLS me is that her voice seemed to be good enough. Wow.

I know what its like cos I've been through this. I've been rejected more than once... more than twice as an Artist. There have been times when my voice has been good enough, but for some reason, my image or my input as an artist and what I want to represent, is totally disregarded, and discarded. In some cases, it's business, in some cases, I couldnt even explain to you why. But in many cases, it's just wrong. And believe me even as an adult, it's harsh. But imagine the message that's sending out to this angel-voiced child, and the MILLIONS of children across the world.

Even if the child had elephantitis all over her body and face, she should be acknowledged for her talent I reckon. But I mean, look at the lil chick - she's not exactly a minger is she? Even if the case was so, have mercy on the child. She is who and what she is. If she can't be that, then leave her out totally. And you know what? Same goes for me.